We all know what it’s like to be afraid. We know what fear feels like, but do we really spend the time to consider what our fears really mean? Many of us are encouraged to consider fear as a weakness, a danger to avoid and something to overcome. At the same time we should really look at fear as something that we tell ourselves, a story that is created in our minds that blocks us from things that we are destined to have or be.
Throughout my childhood up until I was about to hit high school, I couldn’t sleep at night due to fears that were projected onto me by my father. I was alone and grew up with a single father who was raised the European way. By this I mean, strict and old school if you will. I was to be home right after school on the dot, do chores and have my homework done for the evening. If my grades weren’t good enough for my father or if I didn’t show up from school on time, I would be punished. Even when I was excelling in school, I was never good enough.
As I grew older, it would get worse as would my fears. My father always held the belief over me that I would be a failure in some way or another because I wasn’t up to par with what he dreamt for me. What I didn’t understand or see at the time, was that his way of control was through the fear he instilled in me.
Eventually as I hit my early teens, I started to see that my peers around me didn’t live the life I was living. They had loving parents, ones that didn’t hit them constantly and they were happy and growing into themselves. The sheltered isolation was not healthy, the abuse was not right, nor was it acceptable. I hoped as I grew older that if I did what he said things would improve, but they didn’t. When my fears came true with how unbearable it was getting, I broke away from it. No one should live in that kind of fear. It was one of the hardest moments in my life.
What did I learn from this? That fear is just a story that you tell yourself that you ultimately have power over. As with any story, fear has a beginning, middle and end and that if we keep that fearful end result in the back of our heads, we create a clear picture of the worse that can happen. It’s exactly what holds us all back. My father’s fears and beliefs were not my own. It took me years to figure that out and find my own footing and sense of self.
If it weren’t for all of the things I went through in my childhood would I be this self-reliant, independent, driven woman that I am today? Probably not. Had I not suffered and gone through such fear and adversity, I wouldn’t have had this hunger in me to succeed or this drive to share my creative talents to inspire others.
Through our worst challenges, comes incredible insight. The best way to be fearless is to break through it. When you pick and choose the fears that are worth listening to, you gain control of the direction and outcome of your life. The more you face your fears the stronger you become!
Oh, and were any of my father’s beliefs true for me? No. I am far from a failure. I’ve accomplished everything I’ve set my mind to and I’ve only just begun. xoxo
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Although this post has been generously sponsored by “pHemme®”, the opinions and language are my own and in no way do they reflect “pHemme®”.